[Sunday February 22nd, 2009 @ 2:51am] I stare at my surroundings knowing that none of this is mine. I try to find a spot, a place where I can let go... a place in this room that I can call my own, but I know of none. I search for my space... In this orderly place, I crave disorder and the mess I used to know. I feel too clean to pour the paint on the palette for fear that I will damage the white pure rug. I feel too trapped to have my eraser dust fly into the unflowing air. I feel like I lost my friend, his name is Art. Art does not live here no more. Art doesnt love me no more. Art doesnt want me no more. I am lost without you, craving you, wanting you to be with me and I with you, wanting your creative waves to flow through me like they used to, I long to feel your touch in my brushstrokes, in my pencil markings....in all of me. You made me, me and I am lost without you. I am envious of those you live constantly with. I am envious of those whose masterpieces are celebrated on an everyday basis. I find no comfort while you are gone. I keep trying to find you, but you dont want to be found. I keep wanting you but you dont want me around. I keep reminiscing on the good days, but they can not be re-traced or repainted. The pages live in memory of you..... I pray for your return some day...and if not, bear unto my son your glories and praises... your mastermind, your freedom, your flow, your colors, your brightness on a cloudy day, your form of expression.... but never leave him. Your departure brings much sorrow and loneliness that I do not want him to encounter. post comment

i wish youd just take me away [Thursday January 8th, 2009 @ 4:56pm] [ mood | depressed ] Its a struggle, but I keep holding on. I have learned so much these past few days... For one thing,I have learned that you can give someone the world and they still wont have the heart to give it back to you when you need it. I am an emotional wreck these days... being pregnant has opened up my eyes into realizing that no matter how hard you try to bury old feelings and past memories you simply cant... they stay with you forever.... my thoughts do not stop running... you dont know me.... i really dont know you... i scream silently..... in my dreams in my thoughts in every waking moment that goes by.... and i wish youd just take me away..... post comment

a phenomenal woman [Monday August 11th, 2008 @ 10:13pm] [ mood | lonely ] Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think Im telling lies. I say... Its in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips, the stride of my step, the curl of my lips I'm a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, thats me. post comment

nonsense [Tuesday July 29th, 2008 @ 11:57pm] [ mood | satisfied ] i fell at once for imagination and awoke aside reality....the more unearthed, the less gained in my supple embrace. And in the helplessness struggle, I discovered my existence, laced with silken threads of beauty and doubt, my mind all alone misled by the deception and deceit passed forth from the face i know too well. And still, dreams plagued by fear concealed in the darkness of night, mended and lost by dawn. I lost myself in time.... the inverted hour glass yields way for each grain of sand to fall; its descent saddens one soul and brightens another. Seemingly, time becomes one's heaven and another's hell. My freedom bound by my fate, and my fate became my epic. sequentially, my epic becomes history long forgotten by all. Through this treacherous passage, my heart aches for love and breaks without.I long awaited this heart destined arrow to strike, my heart content with another. See, on this earth, true love is all alone infrequent and lust lays abundant on hotel beds and a shadow upon the innocent heart. post comment

a badge of honor [Tuesday July 22nd, 2008 @ 6:56pm] [ mood | impressed ] Ive finally become the person I've longed to be. The kind of girl I've always envied. I did it purely by giving up any fear of outside thought. I let the qualities I've always had emerge from my marrow and seep through my pores into plain view.... energetic, outgoing, personable, chill, vivacious, sarcastic, strong willed, and honest. And i should be wearing this hard earned skin as a badge of honor. post comment

[Friday June 6th, 2008 @ 1:26pm] [ mood | content ] "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength." post comment

Jammin' at work [Thursday June 5th, 2008 @ 5:12pm] [ mood | bouncy ] An old song but still love it. I remember when my mom used to blast this in the car, most probably off a casette. Those were the days, with not a care in the world I sang at the top of my lungs, windows down in the black corevette, wind hitting my face, hair flying in all directions. I never stopped to think twice of what this song meant. What a lucky girl you'd think to have two princes that want to marry her. I hardly think she's lucky.... all I want is one, one prince, the prince with nothing in his pocket. So do this for me. Turn that volume on your speakers and blast this song. Spin Doctors- Two Princes One, two, princes kneel before me (thats what I said, now) Princes, princes who adore me (just go ahead, now) One has diamonds in his pockets (that sounds great, now) This one, said he wants to buy me lockets (aint in his head, now) This one, he got a princely racket (thats what I said, now) Got some big seal upon his jacket (aint in his head, now) Marry him, your father will condone you (how bout that, now) Marry me, your father will disown you (hell eat his hat, now) Aww, marry him or marry me, Im the one that loves you baby cant you see? Aint got no future or a family tree, But I know what a prince and lover ought to be, I know what a prince and lover ought to be.... Said, if you want to call me baby (just go ahead, now) An if youd like to tell me maybe (just go ahead, now) An if you wanna buy me flowers (just go ahead, now) And if youd like to talk for hours (just go ahead, now) post comment

Here I go.... [Wednesday May 28th, 2008 @ 4:28pm] [ mood | accomplished ] When I get scared or extremely nervous or sometimes out of pure fun.... I grab both of my boobs. Its the closest I can get to grabbing my heart.... I did this today at work... As soon as I got to the homepage of Miami International University of Art and Design. I printed out an application. Now all I need to do is fill it out. "It's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for" 3 comments|post comment

[Monday May 19th, 2008 @ 6:57pm] [ mood | mellow ] Imagination is everything. It is a preview of life's coming attractions. -Albert Einstein- If there is no struggle there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. -Frederick Douglass- If men learn this, it will implant forgetfulness in their souls; they will cease to exercise memory because they rely on that which is written, calling things to remembrance no longer from within themselves, but by means of external marks. What you have discovered is a recipe not for memory, but for reminder. And it is no true wisdom that you offer your disciples, but only its semblance, for by telling them of many things without teaching them you will make them seem to know much, while for the most part they know nothing, and as men filled, not with wisdom, but with the conceit of wisdom, they will be a burden to their fellows. -Plato- 2 comments|post comment

lupe fiasco- streets on fire. [Monday May 19th, 2008 @ 5:37pm] [ mood | crazy ] The stars are aligned & the pack is colliding & the plan is arriving & shes out there smiling & the fear is upon us The skies tried to warn us Your parents are goners No children to mourn & It's driving me crazy This war is my lady These bombs are our babies & GOD is amazing The tick of the timer The slip of your rival The pimps and the rise of Your balls, where you'll find her Hey hey Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night Disease the virus is spreading in all directions No safe zone no cure and no protection No symptons to find or signs of an infection No vaccines remedies and no corrections Quarantines the dreams and cut off our connections Don't let em in not a friend not a reflection Everybody's got it and want you to have it next and Don't accept em if you wanna stay as an exception no pill can Heal The Ill of this Sickness some are still in doubt of it's existence Some call it forgiveness and some call it the vengeance Some say it's an exit and some say it's an entrance The poor say the rich have the cure The rich say the poor are the source Revolutionaries say it's psychological war Invented by the press Just to have something to report Some say the first case came from a maternity ward Some say a morgue some say the skies some say the floor Whores say the nuns, nuns say the whores And everybody is sure The scientists said it only infects the mind The little boy said it only infects the girls The Preacher man said it's gonna kill off the soul A bum said it's gonna kill the whole wide world Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night Believe some say the neon signs by the loud speakers repeatin And everything is fine A suttle silence To demolish the troubled conscious Of a compass with no knowledge And every freedom denied Every dream is designed and broadcasted From the masters to the masses From the antennas on top of the shrines As far as the receiving planet during a panic is shorted It reports back everything in your mind Everything is lying Everything is dying Everything is a rule And everything is a crime Everything was healed And everything rewinds And new weather burn a feathers off everything flyin And she likes it And she loves it The savage The madness The bad shit The lavish The fastness To clashes the ashes To ashes everything intertwined My fem fatale my darling fongoling angel Once caught her changing her batteries in her halo Receipt for her wings and everything that she paid for And the address to the factory where they made those The scientist says she all inside mind The little boy said "What happened to all the girls? " The preacher man says she gonna kill off the soul The dope boy said it's the whole wide world Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night post comment

Every dream inside my soul... [Wednesday April 30th, 2008 @ 1:52pm] [ mood | determined ] I do most of my self reflecting when I'm driving or before I'm going to sleep... My dreams have become more and more powerful as the days go by... I feel like something is bound to happen soon... I can feel it. It woke me up last night... It was a good dream, but having woken up to it and realizing it was only a dream made me anxious... "Love inspires hope" My new love is driving under the shade of canopy trees with leaves floating on the streets.... I take these streets whenever they are in sight... but how romantic if I had a passenger to my side that shared this same love of mine. I'm going to capture this image and hold it in my heart... along with the many memories I hold close. I was thinking of even trying to paint or draw it... post comment

Form is emptiness, and emptiness is form [Monday April 28th, 2008 @ 5:31pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] Been reading a lot... and thought I'd share with you something I learned.... The poet Kabir wrote, "As the river gives itelf into the ocean, what is inside me moves inside you."Thats the image of a healthy relationship.The flow of spirit is within us, between us around us-binding us together as part of all that is. In any meeting with another person, if you want to enter the flow of the river, you must surrender to truth, detach from the outcome, feel the water wash over you, and breathe in the beauty of liiving at one with your internal wisdom. post comment

Im staying for now.. [Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 @ 11:05am] [ mood | ecstatic ] Im staying to make your life and my own a little bit more pleasant than its already been... so sit back and enjoy the show..... The game. They say a person either has what it takes to play, or they dont. ... and baby, I believe I got it. post comment

two weeks to deliberate... [Friday April 18th, 2008 @ 11:43am] [ mood | good ] Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? Its not a calendar. Its not a birthday, its not a new year. Its an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally something that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, a way of letting go of old habits and old memories. Whats important is that we never stop believing we can have a new begining, but its also important to remember that, amid all the crap, there are a few things holding on to... Ive given myself two weeks to think... of what ill leave behind If I decide to move to LA... I realize that once the decision is made theres no turning back... When your heart and your mind lead you to two different places which one do you follow? I have faith, something great is going to happen... I can feel it in my toes. post comment

Take my breath away... just for today [Tuesday April 15th, 2008 @ 10:48am] [ mood | hopeful ] When I met you, I thought I found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? I was done. You left me. You chose... The catalyst began a day like today, a month ago... Someone once explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together... but just for awhile... and then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay. I told that someone that when I was grown up, I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. That someone told me that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone and that If I did we'd be together forever. Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. Its about putting down the poison and dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time. And sometimes, despite all your best intentions... fate wins anyways. Its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has the smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you really don't expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And its not so important that its happily ever after- just that its happy right now. See once in awhile, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away. post comment

I proved it to myself. [Wednesday April 9th, 2008 @ 11:20am] [ mood | creative ] As I walked into Belinda's Designs Couture on 9th and Washington Avenue this past Friday, little did I know what I would expect. My friends waited outside in the car along with my mom who was taking us to the hotel where I had rented for the weekend. I was just picking up a corset that was having done some minor alterations. I walked past the million other girls who were complaining and whining about how they didn't like what they would be wearing for the Women's Fashion Show where Belinda would be showing the following day. I was one of those girls they invited a week beforehand not just to be in the show, but to also to help out in the back. However, I definately would not have been one to complain, its a shame that it landed on my Birthday but there will be many other opportunities as Belinda has kept in touch with me over the years and has offered me a part-time job with her. I told an unfamiliar lady my name and what I was picking up and she looked at me a little confused. "You're Lieren?" she asked. I said, "yes." She was so excited she gave me a hug that almost trampled me down and said, "Oh I have always wanted to meet you!" Then she ran to another co-worker and said, "Look its Lieren the girl who designed the corset and now its named after her." Not to long ago I designed a few corsets and had taken them to Belinda because I did not know which one I thought would look best, but it turns out that one of the ones I designed she actually made and its named after me. What an honor. I got in the car and my mom and my friends were all super excited to tell me to look at the window because my picture was there... and sure enough a small picture stood along with others. I walked by it again the following day but it was slightly tipped over... you can see it but you really have to look among the lace and drapes and millions of other dresses and corsets it might still be there... and its a proven fact that I'm on my way. This is my inspiration. This is what I proved to myself. www.Belindasdesigns.net (flash site please) post comment

Its the high we are chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away. [Tuesday April 8th, 2008 @ 3:28pm] [ mood | calm ] A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow" he said "which you could do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just making a decision, because what if you're wrong. What if you make a mistake you can't undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it. Its all a bout lines... drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them. But... At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep people out. They fence you in. Life is messy, thats how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines that are way to dangerous to cross... but here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side is ....spectacular. post comment

[Friday April 4th, 2008 @ 9:23am] The thing about plans is they don't take into account the unexpected, so when we're thrown a curve ball, we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan. We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us... what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today. post comment

the happiest girl in the whole wide world [Thursday April 3rd, 2008 @ 1:24pm] NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME... many reasons why... Tue, 05/20/08 07:00 PM Mizner Park Amphitheater Boca Raton, FL Erykah Badu More Info » on sale: Sat, 04/05/08 10:00 AM ------- They go on sale on my Birthday...!!!!!THIS IS MY ONE AND ONLY WISH FOR MY BIRTHDAY... IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOREVER! WHO IS WILLING TO TAKE OFF AND COME WITH ME TO ERYKAH BADU'S CONCERT???!!! PLEASE? Today is my birthday celebration at PS14 I wasnt really looking forward to it as much as I should have been but today I feel a little relieved... and excited about it. One of my best friends that I havent seen in forever is coming and it makes it all the better. Plus I couldnt ask for more... I have great friends surrounding me, truely wanting to be there for me and I SEE THEM NOW, I see how much they love me and care for me, and want the best for me... because I AM WORTH IT! post comment

[Wednesday April 2nd, 2008 @ 2:59pm] "im a diamond in the rough, underneath it is something that would last a lifetime." what i want is a lifetime... nothing more, nothing less. post comment

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